Tag Archives: typos

Blondes don’t have more fun

I am currently a blonde. And it turns out that gentleman don’t really prefer them, nor do blondes actually have more fun. I’ll tell you what blondes do have: high hairdressing bills. I am in that salon every three weeks like clockwork. They have me on a rotation of dyeing techniques and tricks so I don’t walk around with a black-rooted mess of yellowing straw on my head.

And we all know what they have in the hairdresser’s. Lots of magazines. Now I work in magazines but apart from checking out the direct competition I really only read them in the hairdresser’s. Well you don’t expect a chef to cook the weeknight dinner do you? Busman’s holiday, much?

I get my fill of gossip and girlie mags while I’m waiting for the bleach to cook or the treatment to work or for that blasted heat contraption to do its thing.

And the other day I was rewarded with one of the best typos I have seen in awhile. It came from one of Australia’s oldest and most revered weekly women’s mags and it was a doozy. A perfect example of two words that sound the same but have completely different meanings. And because the word that was incorrectly used is a real word, no amount of spell checking will  detect the error.

Check out the paragraph in bold font below and see if you can spot it. Answer is in the caption.

Cypress is a type of tree. Cyprus is where moguls and models go sailing.

Cypress is a type of tree. Cyprus is where moguls and models go sailing.

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Office cake rage

I’m sure everyone is familiar with that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is raging about office cake. You know the one, Elaine can’t stand having to celebrate and eat cake at the drop of hat. Or rather at the drop of a birthday, promotion, pregnancy, the fact it’s Tuesday etc etc.

She doesn’t care for it, is very vocal about it then does terrible things once she renounces it only to fall prey to mid-afternoon sugar withdrawals.

Well I, too, get Office Cake Rage. But not because we have cake too often. My team is pretty good about cake and we limit it to birthdays and leaving dos. The amount of chocolate consumed when we’re on deadline is another matter entirely.

Nor does my rage stem from the fact that I don’t actually like cake. Not the fancy kind anyway. There is nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned sponge cake. You can keep all of those tortes and tarts and anything else with a silly name. I eat sponge. My team knows it and while I wouldn’t say they respect it, allowances are made. At birthday time they pass around the red velvet, flour-less chocolate, triple cheesecake or whatever it is they eat and I enjoy a $4 sponge from the local Coles. And don’t think that I’m the only one eating that sponge either.

So why the Office Cake Rage? It’s all to do with how people indicate the size of their slice. I worked with one gentleman who would very properly ask for ‘a lady’s finger’. That means a small slice. I’ll tell you what doesn’t mean a small slice, the word SLITHER.

Snakes slither. And that’s pretty much all the dictionary has to say about the word. When someone asks you how big a slice of cake you want, DO NOT SAY ‘slither’. If you only want a little piece, ask for a SLIVER.

Office Cake Rage is a growing problem in our work places and has the potential to be more damaging than Road Rage because blood sugar is involved. Do your bit and sliver don’t slither.

This may not be a sliver of cake but it's definitely not a slither of anything.

This may not be a sliver of cake as it’s too big but it sure as heck is definitely not a slither of anything.

Two easy spelling tricks

I get that the English language is hard to spell. I really do. In fact, it’s so tricky that the Americans long ago decided to abolish a whole lot of vowels to make it easier.

So they say that you have a neighbor not a neighbour with a ‘u’, and that you wrap leftovers in aluminum foil not aluminium with an ‘i’.

And while I know Australian and British spelling can be challenging it isn’t impossible.

Here are the tricks I have used to teach people how to spell and use four common words.

1. It’s STATIONERY if you are talking about the stuff you write letters on. The trick is that stationery has an ‘e’ like an envelope. It’s STATIONARY if you are talking about not moving. The trick is that it has an ‘a’ as in standing still.

2. Speaking of ENVELOPE, it’s what you put a letter into. When you describe being surrounded by darkness or wrapped in a cloak it is ENVELOP, and you pronounce it differently because it doesn’t have an ‘e’ on the end.

Happy spelling!

vintage envelope

An envelope has an ‘e’ on the end which is also how you spell ‘stationery’.

Spell check

Zombie gate

Remember playing Charades as a kid? Acting out a film or book title to the merciless heckling of your siblings?

Well that’s how I remember it anyway.

There was one rule of the game that I always found particularly useful. The one that allows you to tug on your ear, making everyone shout ‘sounds like’, then act out a rhyming word.

Well sometimes it seems like everyone is utilising the ‘sounds like’ rule in their writing. And it’s not just self-published e-book authors (and I use that term extremely loosely) who are guilty of this, although they are the worst offenders, but online journos too.

Here are three I’ve seen a lot of recently:

1. Your nerves are stretched TAUT not TAUGHT, which is that thing they did to you at school.

2. A zombie has a shambling GAIT not GATE, which is that thing that lets you through a fence.

3. Lots of people is a HORDE not HOARD, which is that thing your mum does with useless crap.

These zombies don't have a shambling gait.

These zombies don’t have a shambling gait.